Who says presidents need to be edu-mc-cated anyhow?

A modest proposal

When it comes to job qualifications for the role of President of the United States, let’s do away with archaic showstoppers like “well-educated.” Shall we?

After all, our current president “earned” his undergraduate degree from Yale University and his MBA from Harvard.  While some have argued Mr. Bush was able to gain admission and enough credits to graduate only by wholly relying on his family connections, let us assume for the sake of argument that his poor showing as President is instead a reflection on the decaying quality of higher education.  Let us embrace this assumption and conclude that top-notch education is, in fact, detrimental to one’s preparedness to lead the United States.  It’s worthless.  If the best education in the world made spit’s difference in forging leadership qualities in those who undergo such rigors, we wouldn’t be in the mess in which we find ourselves today.

And if you can swallow that line of argument, then buddy have we got the presidential ticket for you!  You guessed it, it’s the everyman’s ticket: McCain and Palin.  With investigative research and commentary by Laura Hayward, and with the caveat that Wikipedia has been found to be occasionally imperfect, we present to you the comparative guide to the educational backgrounds our 2008 Presidential & Vice Presidential candidates.

Check out McCain’s class rank at US Naval academy!!!  What a Maverick!

McCain entered the United States Naval Academy at Annapolis. McCain came into conflict with higher-ranking personnel, he did not always obey the rules, and that contributed to a low class rank (894 of 899) despite a strong intelligence.^[9][11] He did well in academic subjects that interested him, such as literature and history, but studied only enough to pass subjects he struggled with, such as mathematics.^[4][12] McCain graduated in 1958.

Sarah Palin, on the other hand had a hard time staying put anywhere for more than a semester…and no offense, but has anyone heard of these schools?? 

In 1982, Palin enrolled at Hawaii Pacific University but left after her first semester. From there she transferred to North Idaho College, where she spent two semesters as a general studies major. From there, she then transferred to the University of Idaho for two semesters.^[11][12] During this time Palin won the Miss Wasilla Pageant beauty contest,^[13][14] then finished third (second runner-up) in the Miss Alaska pageant,^[15][16] at which she won a college scholarship and the ‘Miss Congeniality’ award.^[17] She then left the University of Idaho and attended Matanuska-Susitna College in Alaska for one term. The next year she returned to the University of Idaho where she spent three semesters completing her Bachelor of Science degree in communications-journalism, graduating in 1987.^[11][12]

Admittedly, Biden ranking is not much better than McCain’s, but at least he’s honest – he was lazy!

Biden attended the University of Delaware in Newark,^[10] where by his own later description he was a lazy student.^[11] He graduated with a Bachelor of Arts with a double major inhistory and political science in 1965,^[2] ranked 506th of 688 in his class.^[12]

Finally, someone with a strong academic record qualified enough to be leading the country!!!  (Oh wait…we almost forgot that George went to Yale & Harvard, proving that education is worthless.)

Following high school, Obama moved to Los Angeles, where he studied at Occidental College for two years.^[10] He then transferred to Columbia University in New York City, where he majored in political science with a specialization in international relations.^[11] Obama graduated with a B.A. from Columbia in 1983, Obama entered Harvard Law School in late 1988. At the end of his first year, he was selected, based on his grades and a writing competition, as an editor of the Harvard Law Review.^[19]

America, according to West Side Story

Don’t sue me, okay, because I can’t afford it.  And after the last couple of weeks on Wall St., neither can you.  And that fact got me wondering about the mythology of the American Dream…

original lyrics:

AMERICA

ROSALIA
Puerto Rico,
You lovely island . . .
Island of tropical breezes.
Always the pineapples growing,
Always the coffee blossoms blowing . . .

ANITA
Puerto Rico . . .
You ugly island . . .
Island of tropic diseases.
Always the hurricanes blowing,
Always the population growing . . .
And the money owing,
And the babies crying,
And the bullets flying.
I like the island Manhattan.
Smoke on your pipe and put that in!

OTHERS
I like to be in America!
O.K. by me in America!
Ev’rything free in America
For a small fee in America!

ROSALIA
I like the city of San Juan.

ANITA
I know a boat you can get on.

ROSALIA
Hundreds of flowers in full bloom.

ANITA
Hundreds of people in each room!

ALL
Automobile in America,
Chromium steel in America,
Wire-spoke wheel in America,
Very big deal in America!

ROSALIA
I’ll drive a Buick through San Juan.

ANITA
If there’s a road you can drive on.

ROSALIA
I’ll give my cousins a free ride.

ANITA
How you get all of them inside?

ALL
Immigrant goes to America,
Many hellos in America;
Nobody knows in America
Puerto Rico’s in America!

ROSALIA
I’ll bring a T.V. to San Juan.

ANITA
If there a current to turn on!

ROSALIA
I’ll give them new washing machine.

ANITA
What have they got there to keep clean?

ALL
I like the shores of America!
Comfort is yours in America!
Knobs on the doors in America,
Wall-to-wall floors in America!

ROSALIA
When I will go back to San Juan.

ANITA
When you will shut up and get gone?

ROSALIA
Everyone there will give big cheer!

ANITA
Everyone there will have moved here!

Music by Leonard Bernstein, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim.
© 1956, 1957 Amberson Holdings LLC and Stephen Sondheim. Copyright renewed.
Leonard Bernstein Music Publishing Company LLC, Publisher.

McPalin no McDucks Story

I think perhaps the most lucid 30,000-foot view of the prospect of Sarah Palin becoming Vice President (and very likely President within a couple of years) was articulated recently by Matt Damon when he compared the possibility to a “really bad Disney movie.”  When you realize the truth in his comparison, realize also that this is the script – the playbook – the McCain campaign is following.  Running a campaign is all about writing a story, and they’re writing their story according to a generic formula with which we’ve all got womblike comfort – the Disney formula of plain-old-gumption triumphing over massive, sophisticated machineries.  In the Disney movies, it always turns out those machineries are dopey and weak (which of course they’d have to be for a hockey mom to stare down Putin), but that fairy tale conception of the world doesn’t usually reflect reality.  That’s why these movies make so much money: they are rooted in fantasy and they facilitate a deeply craved escape from reality.  A real McCain/Palin presidency won’t follow the movie-version path.

Real tragedies happen.  McCain/Palin is a tragedy of epic proportions waiting to happen to the American people and the world.  Let’s not invite us in as if it’s an innocent remake of The Mighty Ducks.

The meaning of the word Interrogatory

Yesterday, I came home from work to find 50 pages of questions in my mailbox.  Not just any questions, but questions from my ex-wife’s attorney: “Interrogatories.”  Questions about where I spend my money, where I earn my money, whether or not I’m seeing a psychiatrist.  All told, over 150 questions designed to uncover hidden money, embarrass, harrass, and ruffle feathers.

This, from a woman who spent half of our marriage lying about her alchoholism and drug abuse, keeping herself drunk or high all day long, even while at home with our kids.  A woman who refused to work (thanks, drunken incapacitation) while claiming parental duties precluded her ability to do so.  From a woman who, in the end, had three affairs – in order to end the marriage.

I can’t fathom the real purpose of this document.  I can’t imagine she really believes I’ve hidden assets, income, etc.  It’s deeply ironic to me that a document designed to uncover waste and misspent money where none exists to uncover, will cost her thousands of dollars she could (and clearly should) devote to her own support, to our children’s needs, to her betterment.

Is there a form I can fill out that will simply demonstrate that, while I had nothing to hide and wasted nothing, she squandered thousands trying to quench her endless thirst for conflict?

State of the Union 2008

Driving to work this morning, I listened to a bit on NPR about two previous final State of the Union addresses. The host was interviewing the speech writers responsible for the final addresses by presidents Reagan and Clinton. Reagan was a thematic president, the one contended. Clinton was less so, went the story. They agreed that SotU addresses are boring, clunky laundry lists, they agreed that a president in his last year of his final term may not have nearly as much trouble capturing the audience’s attention as one might expect. They agreed about everything.

In the wistful peace of these previous opponents’ agreement, a space opened up. A creative space, wherein I heard the faint rumblings of GWB’s speech this evening. It was filled with the usual assortment of malapropisms – bungled compound sentences, clearly misunderstood and misused euphemisms, and mispronunciations of everything from “nuclear” to “mom.” He couldn’t decide if the economy was strawng or strugglin’. He urged us, when considering the recession, deficits, debts, wars, education and production losses, etc, to “try to keep yer prospective,” because ya never know – things could get better. …”they usually do, right?” He turned around and asked Cheney, “How’m I doin’ Dick?”

By the time the NPR spot had ended, I was in stitches. I had thoroughly amused myself with a tiny internal satire which reality will, I fear, closely resemble. I thought of Will Ferrell’s parodies of our fearless commander in chief. They’re so close to reality.

Stay tuned for tonight’s “big event.” And in the meantime, enjoy the Ferrell parody on global warming found at the link below. It’s wicked good. Just like nucyular energies.

http://www.transbuddha.com/mediaHolder.php?id=1147

Best.419.scam.sender.ever

It doesn’t get any finer than this. SUPERFINE.

Hello,

I am Mr. Corin Superfine, Account Manager Royal Bank of Scotland United Kingdom I am contacting you for a possible business transfer worth 10.4 Million Pounds Sterling.It will be in my interest to finish this transaction with you hoping that you will not cheat or blackmail me at the conclusion of this goal because i have planned it for long.

If you can be a collaborator to this transaction, please indicate your positive interest immediately for us to proceed. Remember this is absolutely confidential because my Bank does not know about it.Your contact phone numbers and name will be necessary for this effect.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Warmest regards,

Mr. Corin Superfine
Royal Bank of Scotland.
Andrew Square,
Edinburgh, EH2 2YE.
United Kingdom.

If you want to make a lot of money…

Dear Mrs. Larry,

You are wise indeed to have contacted me, for I am our nation’s most leading expert in transactions such as those of which you bespoken.  I am gratificated to have been found out from the searches of the books of the chambers of commerces, and you will not regret the finding of my partnership in the cyberspaces.  Aren’t internet wonderful!?

To proceed with the arrangement out which you sought me for, is a simple affair.  As I said before I am experienced in the proceedings required to complete the transaction as you wish it.  First things first:  to ensure that my bank is able to perform the wire transfers between your account and mine, I will make a small deposit into your account by wire transfer.  The amount of the deposit is performed by most secure computer algorithm’s determination, so it cannot be known until I make it performed.  Once completed, I will tell you by fax, the amount which I did make transfer into your holding, and thereby you will confirm to me and make ready to conduct our business assuredly.

All you have to do is provide me with your account details so I can perform verification transfer tomorrow.  In order to go more forward, please tell me your fullest name and address, your telephone (tel) number including country code, the name of your bank and its address, the banker with whomever you are in business, your banker’s telephone (tel) number, and all account routing and account numbers and details.  I will make my deposit transfer into your account with speedy deliberations, and I will contact you to confirm everything has happened as planned by WEDNESDAY.

In anticipation of our great success together I wait,

Geoff

–
Easy to do, hard to spell.

—– Original Message —-
From: MRS. LARISA SOSNITSKAYA <web_larisa111@bellsouth.net>
To: laris@yahoo.com
Sent: Saturday, June 30, 2007 11:57:59 PM
Subject: PLEASE WORK WITH ME

Friend,

My name is Mrs. LARISA SOSNITSKAYA, personal secretary to MR.BORISMIKHAIL KHODORKOVSKY, the arrested
chairman/CEO of yukos oil and banmenatep spb in Russia who is presently in jail. I have the
documents of a large amount of funds which he handed over to me before he was detained and tried in Russia
on charges of tax evasion and for financing political parties (The union of right forces, led by
BORISNEMTSOV and YABLOKO, a liberal/social democratic party led by GREGORYAVLINSKY) opposed to the
Government of MR.VLADMIR PUTIN, the president thereby leading to the freezing of his Finances and
Assets. After searching through the books of your country chambers of commerce and industries here in
Russia I am contacting you to assist me to Re-profile the funds and equally invest same on his behalf. The
total amount of funds to be re-profiled is (FORTY SIX MILLION DOLLARS). And you will be paid 20% for your
Management services.

As soon as I receive your acceptance in my personal
Email address Email:mrs_larisasosnitsk@yahoo.de
Your Sincerely,
MRS. LARISA SOSNITSKAYA.
http://www.supportmbk.com

Black & White

God reminds us in so many ways not to judge – indeed not even ascribe meaning to – a person’s skin color or race.

CNN reported this week on Fox anchor Lee Thomas’ experience with vitiligo, a pigmentation disease that causes a failure to produce melanin.  Lee Thomas is black, but in his words is “…turning white on television and people can see it.”  The report describes, in only glancing detail, Thomas’ experience with the revulsion and judgment of others as his disease has become more apparent.  (Read the original story at:  http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/conditions/12/18/turning.white.ap/index.html)

In the 80’s, Eddie Murphy mused in an SNL skit that the world of white people is so radically different from the world of black people that it can only be found out through artful infiltration.  (video embedded below)  Are the negative reactions Thomas and others afflicted with vitiligo receive indicative of xenophobic fear, or a kind of racism?  How far in the US have we come, regarding matters of race and racism, since Michael Jackson was taunted as “not even black” when his vitiligo became apparent?  Since Eddie Murphy satirized the racial divide on NBC?  We’ve come a long way since slavery, but prejudice remains – its eczema coats our consciousness.

Are you smarter than an American?

They should rename the game show. The humiliation this woman should feel is beyond words. Here’s wishing that American men and women everywhere will let their vision wander beyond the dashboards of their worthless Escalades and Hummers, and take it upon themselves to become meaningfully aware of the world around us.