America, according to West Side Story

Don’t sue me, okay, because I can’t afford it.  And after the last couple of weeks on Wall St., neither can you.  And that fact got me wondering about the mythology of the American Dream…

original lyrics:

AMERICA

ROSALIA
Puerto Rico,
You lovely island . . .
Island of tropical breezes.
Always the pineapples growing,
Always the coffee blossoms blowing . . .

ANITA
Puerto Rico . . .
You ugly island . . .
Island of tropic diseases.
Always the hurricanes blowing,
Always the population growing . . .
And the money owing,
And the babies crying,
And the bullets flying.
I like the island Manhattan.
Smoke on your pipe and put that in!

OTHERS
I like to be in America!
O.K. by me in America!
Ev’rything free in America
For a small fee in America!

ROSALIA
I like the city of San Juan.

ANITA
I know a boat you can get on.

ROSALIA
Hundreds of flowers in full bloom.

ANITA
Hundreds of people in each room!

ALL
Automobile in America,
Chromium steel in America,
Wire-spoke wheel in America,
Very big deal in America!

ROSALIA
I’ll drive a Buick through San Juan.

ANITA
If there’s a road you can drive on.

ROSALIA
I’ll give my cousins a free ride.

ANITA
How you get all of them inside?

ALL
Immigrant goes to America,
Many hellos in America;
Nobody knows in America
Puerto Rico’s in America!

ROSALIA
I’ll bring a T.V. to San Juan.

ANITA
If there a current to turn on!

ROSALIA
I’ll give them new washing machine.

ANITA
What have they got there to keep clean?

ALL
I like the shores of America!
Comfort is yours in America!
Knobs on the doors in America,
Wall-to-wall floors in America!

ROSALIA
When I will go back to San Juan.

ANITA
When you will shut up and get gone?

ROSALIA
Everyone there will give big cheer!

ANITA
Everyone there will have moved here!

Music by Leonard Bernstein, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim.
© 1956, 1957 Amberson Holdings LLC and Stephen Sondheim. Copyright renewed.
Leonard Bernstein Music Publishing Company LLC, Publisher.

Yahoo! chat is full of these, um, bots?

Lovely conversationalist, that Jordan. Er, I mean Bob…

bobsheppard61: rnganbfrchR u there?zrfbykghaakxrclpazaozzofy
Geoff Barnes: Yes, I’m here.  Are you there?
bobsheppard61: wbsvyhi emailgeoff, i got urwbbxvinfo from Angela, i hope u dont minduqgja
Geoff Barnes: nah, I don’t mind a bit. Angela’s a real peach.  What’s up?
bobsheppard61: xjqftI’m Jordan BTW LoL,uupafI just moved here from outta town ezdnu
Geoff Barnes: Hi Jordan, where did you move here from?
bobsheppard61: jdxgzR u busy this weekend?udbnci’m looking for some one to have a little… fun with hcxfe
Geoff Barnes: Oh that’s a shame, because I’m really busy already.  But I’m interested to know where you moved from.
Geoff Barnes: Why do you type so funny?
bobsheppard61: ilzxgTo remove your id visityzshthttp://yremoveyourid.com    ykgbhhjlgv
Geoff Barnes: idsfdfecbksOkay I’llfherfblqexbdo that fdfgwsgalater.
bobsheppard61: hxeio here are my details if u wanna meet uptifruhttp://www.%61%64u%6c%74h%6f%6f%6b-u%70s%2ene%74  ojofghfqlh
Geoff Barnes: Really?  adulthook-ups.net?
bobsheppard61: bgrlu here are my details if u wanna meet updwlzfhttp://www.h%6fok%2d%75%70s-%72%2d%75s%2e%63o%6d  vlplrjypau
Geoff Barnes: That’s your site?  Good work on the home page.
bobsheppard61: pipoo here are my details if u wanna meet upkrobfhttp://www.%61d%75%6c%74%68%6fok%2du%70s%2en%65t  hnxnzmrynf
Geoff Barnes: Uh oh, I think I broke you.
bobsheppard61: qqblv here are my details if u wanna meet upkpwbjhttp://www.%61%64ul%74hoo%6b%2d%75%70%73.%6e%65t

Fandango Sucks & Cinemark does too

UPDATE 3

And it gets even more better…

Dear Geoff,

Thank you for your email and interest in Fandango.

Our corporate office has informed us that your refund has been processed.  Please allow a few business days for the refund to post to your account.  Again, we would like to apologize for the issue you encountered at the Cinemark 18 & IMAX Theatre.

If you have any further questions or concerns please let us know.

Have a great day.

NOTE: Please do not click the reply button. Emails sent to this address are not read.

To send a response to customer support, please click the following link, or copy and paste it into the address line of your browser:
http://fandangocust.suth.com/ticket.asp?ci=269043&tn=07318487GB&rn=080731-000051&fm=1

Best Regards,

Erin
Fandango Customer Support
www.fandango.com
Wireless access: mobile.fandango.com

If they get all the way to the finish line on this (credit issued as promised), I’m going to be pretty impressed.  And I’ll say so, and let people know that Fandango appropriately resolved my issue.

UPDATE 2

So I heard back from Fandango again today.  Pleasantly surprised with how smoothly this has gone:

refund@fandango.com to me —————————————– Refund Amount            : $24.00 Credit Card Number       : ****************

show details 11:24 AM (3 minutes ago)

Reply

This message is to inform you that your refund request has been processed and should be credited to your account within the next 3-5 business days.

——————————

UPDATE 1

I received an initial response from Fandango this afternoon.  Long-winded, but encouraging.  Now waiting 5-7 days for follow-up from the appropriate department.  Here’s what they sent:

Dear Geoff,

Thank you for your email and for taking the time to voice your concerns.

We would like to offer our apologies for the less than perfect experience you had with Fandango and our theatre partner, Cinemark 18 & IMAX Theatre.  This is not the experience moviegoers who use Fandango should have.

When ordering through Fandango, the sale is made directly through each individual theatre’s point of sale system.  We can only sell tickets if the theatre’s system indicates that seats are available.  If a show does not have seats available when you arrive at the theatre, then there has been an unusual operational error at the theatre.  Fandango is an independent company providing show time information and ticket purchasing for several theatre chains throughout the country, but does not participate in their business operations.

We will be contacting Cinemark 18 & IMAX Theatre as well as Cinemark corporate management to inform them of this error and work with them to prevent similar errors from happening in the future.

Most of our theatre partners prefer to handle all their own refunds and exchanges,  this is why our FAQs ask you to contact the theatre directly. However, Cinemark theatres are the one theatre chain that cannot compensate our customers, as you may have noticed we do request that our customers who have purchased for a Cinemark theatre contact customer service directly for further information.  For this reason we handle all refund requests for Cinemark theatres.  Please also note that if you are directed back to Fandango by any of our partner theatres we will gladly help resolve the issue.

We have forwarded your email to the appropriate department for further investigation of your refund request.  You will receive a follow up contact in the next 5 to 7 business days at the email address you have provided to us.

Fandango processes thousands of orders without incident and we regret that yours was one that met with difficulty.  We are continuing to grow and improve, and we truly hope you will give Fandango and our theatre partner, Cinemark 18 & IMAX Theatre, another chance to prove ourselves to you in the future.

We appreciate your understanding and we thank you for making Fandango your choice for online movie tickets.

NOTE: Please do not click the reply button. Emails sent to this address are not read.

To send a response to customer support, please click the following link, or copy and paste it into the address line of your browser:
http://fandangocust.suth.com/ticket.asp?ci=269043&tn=07318487GB&rn=080731-000051&fm=1

Best Regards,

Erin
Fandango Customer Support
www.fandango.com
Wireless access: mobile.fandango.com

INITIAL POST

My experience with Fandango sucked.  It was my first, and will definitely – DEFINITELY – be my last.  What is the point of buying tickets in advance, paying 20% as a “convenience fee” (where the convenience is clearly for Fandango+Cinemark), to then show up for a movie in which there are no remaining seats??  Cinemark wouldn’t do anything for me: Since I bought my tickets online, they said, I would have to take up my complaint with Fandango. (Never mind the apparently irrelevant fact that Fandango sold me tickets – as a Cinemark partner, to a movie at that Cinemark theater.)  Fandango’s customer service FAQ says I can’t be helped, and tells me it’s Cinemark’s issue to resolve.

Fandango and Cinemark each point the finger at one another, each blaming the other and directing me to take up my complaint with someone else.  Nobody’s responsible.  And that’s a hallmark theme of crappy customer service: NOBODY’S RESPONSIBLE.

So I’m starting an “Awareness Campaign,” during which I will chronicle my efforts to recover $24 spent for goods never received.  Below is my first letter to Fandango, written after having failed to find resolution either on their site or at the theater itself last night.  I’ll update the blog with developments, links, etc.

To whom it may concern,

I purchased tickets to Dark Knight yesterday, and when I arrived at the theater there were no seats in the theater! The manager of Cinemark 18 in Tarentum PA told me they could not issue refunds BECAUSE I BOUGHT MY TICKETS ONLINE.

I don’t care what relationship the theater and Fandango have.  That shouldn’t matter to the customer.  I paid MORE for my tickets online (including the unbelievably obnoxiously named “convenience fee” of 20%), drove 15 miles, and couldn’t get a seat in the theater!?

This is totally unacceptable, and I demand an immediate refund.  If the refund is not promptly made, I will open a fraud investigation through my credit card company.

Sincerely,
Geoff Barnes

And folks, please share your Fandango stories here too.  Your effort in doing so will not be wasted.

MVM via WV – Sweet Caroline

Spent the weekend in West Virginia, just east of Berkeley Springs.  If you’ve never been there, I can recommend it not just for the bear-watching and wild blueberry-picking, but also for the breathtaking natural beauty of the Appalachians.  If you go, however, try to avoid getting Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline stuck in your head.  It changes the experience dramatically, and who’s to say if it’s for the better?

Da da da, Love your hair.

Interviewing an IA candidate, for really good reasons, INXS’ 80’s hit, “Guns in the Sky” would not leave my mind.

24 fans out there

It’s the first, last LOLCat link I’ll ever post.  And only because I love 24.

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/02/11/funny-pictures-previously-on-24/ 

Knight Rider Rides Again

Knight Rider is back

I’ll admit I was a geek as a kid. I wanted to be cool, but I just wasn’t. End of story. But I sure did love Knight Rider and The A-Team. If the popular kids liked those shows as much as I did, I reasoned, then maybe I was cooler than I thought. But then, those cool shows went off the air. It wasn’t too long before people were making fun of my beloved cool barometers. Michael and Kitt, it started to seem, were to be ridiculed rather than venerated. I guessed my brush with cool hadn’t been as close as I’d hoped.

Life went on. I settled into a comfortable understanding of myself – that really, I’m just some guy. No more, no less. I’m one of billions. Decent with words on occasion, empathetic, a decent draftsman, and the potential to outlive my parents. Those were good years, and there were many of them.

Today, though, it all came to an end. Today, while I was at home working on a UX analysis for a friend, I happened across a link to — gasp! — the new Knight Rider. NEW, as in KNIGHT RIDER 2008.

Panic struck. Could it be, I wondered, that one of my old competitors for cool is behind its reprise? Could Keith Power or Mark Capasso, or even Jason Jordan, be responsible for this – the return of Kitt??? And if so, what would that mean? Maybe I lost faith in Kitt too soon. Maybe I was a wannabe, while here the real things labored in seclusion to bring about the return of the most amazing self-conscious car the world has ever seen. Maybe my dismissal of cool was premature! If only I had hung in there a little longer! If only I really had what it took to see a legend through to its inevitable revival!! If only!!!

Then again, maybe it’s just a friggin car that talks already.

Badass 80’s Music Video Thursday – 2@ The Fixx, 1@ The Smiths

Ladies and Germs, there is an answer. A solution. Not a Cure, but a Fixx.

From their smash album, Reach the Beach, I give you “One Thing Leads To Another,” by The Fixx.

But wait, there’s more! The poster disabled embedding, but if you go to the youtubes, you can also watch “Saved By Zero,” another Fixx hit.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=swzK7Q8teSM

And it gets even more better! Especially for my good friend Brian McNitt, I present to you the one – the only – “Girlfriend in a Coma” by The Smiths. Strangeways, here we come!!

P2P: Picard vs. Palpatine

If you, like a lot of totally hopeless geeks out there, ever wonder which galactic force is more formidable – Star Trek’s Federation or Star Wars’ Galactic Empire – then you’ve come to the right website.  Thanks – oh so many thanks – to whomever posted this on Youtube.  I think it puts the issue to rest once and for all.  Hailing frequencies:

Scamspam response competition

Gmail’s venerable spam filters have let pass a surprising piece of junk mail today. A letter announcing the intention of one Msr. Mutombo Dikembe of la Fondation de Dikembe Mutombo (a little known french alternate universe version of the well known Dikembe Mutombo Foundation?) to impart a gift to me in the name of Jesus Christ. Is this, perchance the real Dikembe Mutombo of NBA fame? To quote René Descartes’ last words, “I think not.”

(Dikembe Mutombo)

So I’m going to host a competition. Take your best shot at a response to this impostor. The winner’s response will go to the sender on Wednesday, January 16. Moreover, I’ll continue to publish the correspondence as it grows, to this blog, to my pownce account, myspace, facebook, and everywhere I can – with full attribution and links to your site. I’ll even send you a t-shirt.

The original (french) solicitation is below. Why is it in french? Who knows? Does that lend it an air of authenticity? I’ve also translated it into english (with help from babelfish, which ain’t that good, but considering the original french is atrociously awful in the first place, I couldn’t bring myself to translate manually and waste the keystrokes). You decide in what language to make the response.

On your mark, get set, go.

Cher Monsieur,

Que la Paix du Seigneur soit avec vous.
Je suis Mutombo Dikembe et je suis anime par la volonte de Dieu avous
assister financierement.
Je sais que vous etes surpris comment j’ai pu avoir votre adresse.Un
frere m’a parle de vos bonnes oeuvres,puisse Dieu vous benisse au Nom de
Jesus-Christ.

Je priais a Dieu pour savoir a qui et ou je devrais faire ce gestede
bonne foi,avant que ce quelqu’un me dise de vos bonnes activites,et dans
mon esprit et ma conscience,je sentis que vous etiez la personne
ideale pour recevoir ce don.

Merci de votre devouement et amour pour notre
Seigneur,Jesus-Christ.Veuillez-bien me repondre des reception de mon message.

Que Dieu vous benisse.

Mutombo Dikembe

rough babelfish translation:

That the Peace of the Lord is with you. I am Mutombo Dikembe and I am animate by the will of God avous to assist financially. I know that you etes surprised how I could have your adresse.Un brother me A speaks about your good works, can God benisse you in the name of Jesus-Christ. I requested has God to know has who and or I should make this gestede good faith, before this somebody tells me your good activities, and in my spirit and my conscience, I felt that you etiez the person ideale to receive this gift. Thank you for your devouement and love for our Lord, Jesus-Christ.Veuillez-well to answer me of the reception of my message.